How Did I Not Know? The ADHD Traits I Thought Were Just Me

Adult ADHD, abandoned washing, random hyperfocuses, and finally understanding why my brain does what it does

Ever since writing my last blog, I have been thinking a lot about how I did not realise sooner that I had ADHD.

Who I am has always been my normal.

I did not suddenly become more ADHD when I received a diagnosis. These traits did not appear overnight. I just became more aware of them.

Now that I understand myself better and have developed an effective toolkit, I am mostly okay with it.

Not the RSD, though.

Definitely not the RSD.

That is an absolute fucker.

The Blog I Had to Write RIGHT NOW

While hoovering this morning, after starting to organise the washing and not finishing it, I decided I was going to write a blog about all of this.

So, yes, you guessed it.

I finished the hoovering, abandoned the washing, which is still lying unfolded on the couch as I type, and decided I needed to write this blog RIGHT NOW.

Not later.

Not after the washing.

Now.

That probably belongs on the list.

I Have Not Changed

Receiving an ADHD diagnosis did not change who I am.

It changed how I respond to who I am.

I still forget things, abandon tasks halfway through, and become completely absorbed in whatever captures my interest.

The difference is that I now notice these patterns with compassion instead of judgement. I am learning what supports me, what overwhelms me and what makes life easier.

The ADHD Traits I Live With Every Day

Keys, Water, Phone

Nine times out of ten, I forget something when I leave the house.

Sometimes it is my car keys, which is inconvenient when I am trying to drive somewhere.

I now have a mental list that I check before setting off.

Keys.

Water.

Phone.

I have repeated this so consistently that it has become a habit. I also limit what I take with me.

Masking can look like being organised because you have removed every opportunity to become disorganised.

This is also why I do not carry a handbag.

People have asked me:

“Why don’t you have a bag?”

The truth is, I tried.

I basically carried a bin around with me.

Receipts, wrappers and random objects collected inside it. My keys disappeared beneath the rubbish, and the bag was often left behind.

So now I stick to the essentials.

Keys.

Water.

Phone.

I Absolutely Love a Hyperfocus

My hyperfocuses have educated me and supported my career.

I feel incredibly fortunate that I love my job. It does not feel like work.

I speak to clients about work-life balance.

Do I personally have it?

Absolutely not.

If I am not working, I am usually thinking, reading or writing about therapy, our brains, human behaviour and self-acceptance.

I enjoy this.

I do not enjoy hoovering or putting washing away.

Does anyone?

“Everyone Does That”

During my exploration of ADHD, I began to understand why I delayed looking into it for so long.

I thought what many people think:

“Everyone does that.”

That was also what I heard from people around me.

The thing is, everyone in my world often does do it.

It became apparent that I come from a neurodivergent family. We also tend to connect with people who experience the world in similar ways, so many of my closest friends are likely neurodivergent too.

As I write this, I can hear my neurodivergent husband asking Alexa:

“What is the difference between a digestive biscuit and a Rich Tea biscuit?”

A fairly random thought for a Saturday afternoon.

Some people around me are curious about their own journey, while others are not.

It is not my job to highlight their possible neurodivergence.

However tempting it may be.

I Know Lots About Some Things and Nothing About Others

I learn quickly when I am genuinely interested in something.

For me, that is usually anything related to people, including human behaviour, the brain, religion, culture, nutrition, equality and animals.

Bring out Trivial Pursuit, however, and I may have a panic attack.

General knowledge does not always stay in my brain, and that is okay.

I can research a purchase for weeks and become temporarily more knowledgeable than the person selling it.

Then the item arrives.

I might not open it for another three weeks.

The urgency has gone.

The dopamine has left the building.

The parcel can wait.

I have also accepted that I will never be a second-hand seller, after trying for years. Unwanted items go into a bag, then into the boot of my car.

Do they reach the charity shop within the same week?

Absolutely not.

Sometimes they make it there within the same month.

Progress.

The Parts That Feel Heavier

Many of these traits no longer bother me. Sometimes my tools do not work and my head is so busy that I forget something.

It happens.

The tougher side is the constant awareness of everyone else.

I can walk into a room and instantly assess moods, facial expressions and the atmosphere.

If someone looks annoyed or uncomfortable, my brain wonders whether it is my fault.

If someone looks sad, anxious or awkward, I want to save them.

Then there is the social anxiety that can appear when I am outside my tribe.

The overanalysing.

The replaying of conversations.

Did I say too much?

Did I get it wrong?

Did they misunderstand me?

Even positive events can create stress.

A wedding may sound lovely, but my brain starts asking what I will wear, how we will get there, who I will sit beside and what happens if I feel overwhelmed.

Everything can feel as though it is playing at volume nine inside my head.

Hormonal changes have also been one of the heavier parts of my experience.

For years, I normalised feeling extremely low, anxious and overwhelmed before my period.

Then perimenopause arrived, and everything became more intense.

My thoughts became louder, my emotional sensitivity increased, and my usual tools did not work in the same way.

For me, being neurodivergent meant the effects of my monthly cycle and perimenopause felt much stronger.

My ADHD brain already works hard to regulate attention, thoughts, emotions and sensory information. When my hormones fluctuated, it felt as though my brain could not cope with one more thing.

What I find interesting is how much better things became when I received the correct support for both my hormones and my ADHD.

Hormonal treatment alone was not enough for me.

Understanding and treating the ADHD mattered too.

This is my experience, and it will not be the same for everyone. However, many people struggle without understanding why their cycle or perimenopause affects them so deeply.

So please, do your research.

Ask questions.

Track your patterns.

Speak to professionals who understand both ADHD and hormonal health.

This stuff is real.

And it is really, really tough.

You are not weak or dramatic because hormonal changes affect your mood, anxiety, concentration or ability to cope.

Your experience deserves to be taken seriously.

Why I Share This

I share this because this is me.

I encourage authenticity in others, so I need to practise it myself.

We are not broken.

We do not need to be fixed.

We need to understand how our brains work, recognise what we need and develop tools that support us.

Understanding does not make the RSD disappear, silence every thought or ensure the washing is folded.

What it can do is help us replace shame with understanding.

Forgetting does not mean we do not care.

Becoming distracted does not mean we are lazy.

Feeling overwhelmed does not mean we are incapable.

Needing different support does not mean we have failed.

The next time you feel alone, as though everyone else is managing life more easily, please remember that you are not alone.

There are many of us hanging washing over the couch, losing our phones while holding them, replaying conversations from three days ago and wondering how we did not realise sooner.

You deserve to understand yourself.

You deserve compassion.

You deserve support.

You matter.

Right.

I am away to fold the washing.

Probably.